It’s May 3rd and I’m sitting out on my balcony with no job (thanks to my recent tango with corporate America). There’s an intense dreary feeling within me that I’ve felt before, but never like this. It’s safe to say…I’m experiencing an existential crisis.
What the Hell Am I Doing?
I continue to subconsciously ask myself the same question over and over and over again. WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE?. Everything is in question. My career. My likes. My dreams. My plans. My relationships. I know, I know it all sounds melodramatic but these feelings are real. And I’m sure if you’ve never met me you’re probably assuming I’m ungrateful and unaware of the troubles billions of people face, but I’d argue I’m far from it. I just have an obsession with wise investments (my time being most valuable) so having this many things up in the air makes me feel really crappy…it’s as if I’m not truly putting forth my best effort into the world.
A true Capricorn by nature I know I’m willing to put my everything to make anything I truly believe in prosper but I worry about never reaching my full potential and never truly discovering my niche; and quite frankly it’s terrifying. At the end of the day, I just want to know that I was the hungriest. That I went after it.
A real game changer. Ya know?
I Think I’m A Lil Cray
It’s as if I’m going mad. Seriously…why can’t I just have all of this shit figured out already? Why can’t I know what I want my dream job to be and chase that? Where are those mentors that are supposed to truly understand and guide me? How can I afford to travel the world as I so desperately want to? Why do I feel like my ideas are too expansive and unattainable? SO MANY QUESTIONS! It all just seems so disorganized and unfair.
But then I realized it is fair…Think about it.
If this confusion/ intense self-reflection/self-evaluation doesn’t happen now…then when? Is it a burden? Yeah. It’s uncomfortable asf. But isn’t it better to consider this a favor on behalf of the universe as opposed to a troubling time? Won’t this provoke deeper thinking that’ll ultimately lead to the answers that are being sought out?
I think us millennials are conditioned to challenge normalities. Status quo’s and outdated systems don’t sit well with us because almost everything our generation partakes in has never been done (thanks, internet). Mostly everything is incomparable, therefore, we have to do things differently. There’s no denying that many of our current thoughts crossed the minds of our elders at some point, but our world and our stressors cannot simply be understood by them.
Nonetheless, the hard part about all of this is realizing and accepting our over analytic tendencies over abstract overarching questions like “who will I be”, “what do I love”, and “am I supposed to be doing this” can be a bit much. It will drive us to bang our heads against the wall. So…we have to stop. Seriously.
These are simply growing pains and I’m positive we’ll come out of this so much better.
Trust your thoughts. Trust your gut. Trust your potential. Trust that you’ll find the answers.
I promise to.